2 step to this shit

Song of the Day:
When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong - Emmure

so a lot of crazy shits going on in my life.
a lot of stuff i don't even want to get into.
its making me rethink everything.

i try and pull my shit together in my life and everything i worked for falls apart.
it seems i totally have to build myself again.
like everything i do with my life that i think im doing right, always comes with a bunch of reprocussions.

and relationships are just fucked.
sometimes i wish i was born an animal, or a species with no emotions so i can just do my shit and die.
at least then id die with honor knowing i did what i had to do.
these days there's so much out there, i cant seem to figure out what the point of life is.
is it so die with a million dollars that you'll never see and pass it off to your kids?
is it to have as many friends as you can?
have the most experiences?

i mean it seems like its impossible to just have it all and no matter what i do i end up fucking myself over in the end.

i think im gonna shave my head and reinvent myself.

maybe buy myself a new hat.

The East Stole What The West May Want

Song of the Day
: The East Stole What The West May Want - Moneen

Ko Ni Chi Wah!

Ok so this is a quick post i just had to say this.
I cant sleep because i have a unrelenting desire to leave Canada and move to Japan.
Its always been a life goal of mine(life goal #2), but today i just had this huge desire to get this plan going.
This summer i really want to take a class in learning Japanese.

There's just something about Japanese culture that i just find so fascinating.
I mean i love how respecful they seem in movies.
I love how they live for honor.
I mean... i could be totaly wrong.
Maybe what its like in movies or what i imagine, could be wrong.
But even if some of it isnt, im sure that kind of life style still exists.
I want to visit a budhist temple.
ah theres so much i would want to do there!

One reason i want to go is im a huge tech lover and this is pretty much the tech central of the world!
Their fashion is so amazing too.
I freekin LOVE anime.
The parties there seem sooo intense.

A part of me wishes i was born in japan.
or like.... i was supposed to be born Japanese >.<

I dont know how realistic this dream may be....
but im definitely going to try and make it happen.
I wouldn't want to do it alone either but i would if i had too.
I realy hope my girl can come with me.


Todays Rabbit Hole....

I was going over the concept of love today and the fabric of its meaning.
Its always been a paradox in my eyes.
I mean... dont get me wrong.
Im not saying i dont believe in love...
but i dont believe love is what everyone makes it out to be.
I mean.... love isnt something concrete, therefore its only an association of thoughts and emotions and feelings.
So love to one person could bring feelings/memories of comfort and warmth,
and to someone else it could bring feelings/memories of pain and abandonment.
Love in my eyes.... it is a fantasy world, and one that i believe in.
The problem is that we dont live in a fantasy world, and everyone comes back to reality at one point.
Maybe love is something more simple.
Maybe it can be defined as a genuine respect and admiration.
I dont know....

Love (Ai)

Saving The World From Certain Doom (aka first entry ever!)

Song of the Day
: A Shipwreck in the Sand - Silverstein

So i decided to make a live journal out of pure boredom.
Ive always wanted to make one, but never really had anything to say.
These days things are different.
Im hoping to use this as an output for my random thoughts and ideas.
I dont even plan for anyone to read this its just nice to get this stuff outta my head sometimes.

This year has been one of the hardest and most progressive so far.
I went back to school to try and get my life back on track and by doing so I've lost a lot of friends.
Ive learned that i cant rely on anyone else but to rely on myself.
I've realized that seeing the path im on and where i plan to be is more important then living in the moment.
I have lived in the moment my entire life, and although its fun and good on short terms, it never really got me anywhere.

So im out of school now, and all my hard work so far has payed off.
This summer im gonna make the best of it, even if i have to do it alone.
Im kind of done with people.
All the drama, conflictions, hypocrites and human cancer cells have really made me change my mind on whether i can trust anyone else.

Music has got me through the dark times...
Im a believer that music really has the power to help people.
My life goal is to write an album that will really inspire people.
I have a lot of respect for the band Moneen, one of my favorite bands, and they play for the music and for their crowd.
I totally respect that.

Ive done my fair share of experimenting with substances in the past.
Its really changed my outlook on life.
Once you see the world from a true perspective, its hard to look back.
The whole 'rabbit whole' theory really does make a lot of sense!
You start thinking philosophically, and now every movie i see, every deep theory i come across, i start thinking about its relation to the world and what it means to me.
Its hard to explain...
Its taken me to great heights, but also to dark times.
Ive been lucky to have a great girl with me during the dark times, and i respect her so much for how she has been there for me.

Anyways that's just a little bit about me....

Today i got the new Silverstein album, from what ive listened to... their new CD is amazing!
I spent today playing Final Fantasy X and saving the world from sin...
while listening to A Shipwreck in the Sand.

Im slightly drunk right now.
Missing my girl.
Waiting for her call.
tired too.